Lent - a Season for Reconciliation

Today's scripture readings were about reconciliation and we read one of my favorite scripture passages - the story of the Prodigal Son.  Forgiveness is so necessary to maintaining balance and wellness in our lives.  But it can be really hard for us to reconcile our broken relationships with others. 

This post is a copy of the homily that I gave in church today.


I was part of a debate recently where we were discussing the question, “What is the hardest thing that someone might ever have to say?” There were several phrases that came up including, “I was wrong.” Now, no one wants to admit they are wrong about anything and this is one of those phrases that is spoken with great difficulty. Then someone else said, “I love you.” Those 3 simple words that we hear so often from some people can be so very hard for others to say.

But the two phrases that everyone seemed to agree on were the most difficult to say were: “I am sorry,” and “I forgive you.”

“I am sorry.”

 “I forgive you.”



The theme of today’s readings is reconciliation and as we listened especially to the story of the Prodigal Son, we witnessed two individuals overcome their apprehensions as they sought reconciliation. Maybe they didn’t use these exact words, but their words, as well as their actions, show us how we, too, can achieve joy and peace by seeking forgiveness from those we have injured and forgiving those who have injured us. Today Jesus is calling on us to reflect on the relationships in our lives, with God, with our family, our friends, and our neighbors and to seek reconciliation with those who have been separated from us. That may mean that we, too, will need to say those difficult words, “I am sorry,” or even “I forgive you.”


Why is it so hard to do this? Why do we find reconciliation so hard? I would venture to guess that many of us who have suffered separation because of a personal slight or injury would like to find some way to restore a fractured relationship, but we just don’t know how to do it. We may even be frustrated with our conflicting feelings of wanting to restore our broken relationship, but not wanting to let go of the pain that came with the separation.


 “I am sorry.”

 These are words that must be spoken when we have used bad judgment, made a bad decision, or said or did something we shouldn’t have that hurt someone else. Maybe we didn’t do it intentionally, or maybe we just said something bad in a moment of anger. Maybe we can understand why the person who was injured feels the way they do, or maybe we can’t. But these words, “I am sorry,” spoken with sincerity, must be offered before the process of reconciliation can begin.


I remember when our kids were little, doing typical kid things of getting on each other, taking each other’s things, getting each other in trouble. When this happened, we had to sit them down and try to get to find out what happened. This usually resulted in one or more of them having to say to the other, “I’m sorry.” Sometimes this came easy, but most of the time it didn’t. I remember the sarcastic, “Soooooo- ry” , or the barely audible “Sorry” mumbled under their breath. As difficult as it was for them, they needed to learn that they had to be responsible for their words and their actions and how those words and actions affected others. Whether they thought they were wrong or not, really didn’t matter. Because if what they said or did hurt someone else, they were the ones responsible for the reconciliation.


 “I forgive you.”

 These are words that are so hard to say when someone has hurt us or taken advantage of us. These are words that are so difficult to say when we are angry, and have been ignored, put down, humiliated or physically damaged in some way.

 When we are injured in any of these ways, we find it takes a long time for our injuries to heal and while we are hurting, we don’t want to let the ones who hurt us off the hook so easily. So we use our grudge against them to prop us up, thinking that our anger and hate for them will somehow make us feel better.


At one of our SWIMBAS presentations last fall, Dr. Ken DeLuca told the story of a woman who had been at a group therapy session and a discussion was taking place at the session about forgiveness. An older woman spoke at length about the injuries and humiliation she had suffered at the hand of her ex husband and the damage that she sustained from this relationship. The woman who was there for the first time asked the older woman who was sharing her pain how long ago she had become divorced, thinking it must have just been recently because of the bitterness with which she spoke. The older woman replied, “We divorced thirty years ago.” After 30 years, this woman was still suffering, but it wasn’t from the pain inflicted on her by her ex husband, it was from the pain she inflicted upon herself by insisting on holding on to all of the wrongs she felt had been done to her years and years before.


We can probably all think of times when it was hard to forgive someone who has hurt us. Maybe we felt justified in our anger and our resentment because we just knew we were right. And we felt that if we held on to our past and kept the incident fresh in our mind, we would somehow feel better. But those of us who have struggled with forgiving others know that holding on to anger and resentment only prevents us from healing. Our insistence on not forgiving those who have hurt us can cause us to be unhealthy and unbalanced in all aspects of our lives. Constantly reliving the wrongs done to us doesn’t allow us to move forward and create new life. We cannot grow when we keep ourselves filled with the poisons of our past.


Reconciliation requires more than just letting go. Reconciliation which brings true healing asks us to reach out to those who are separated from us and say the words, “I am sorry,” or “I forgive you.” But when we speak these words of reconciliation, we need to know that they may or may not be accepted. And we need to also know that if our attempts at reconciliation do not end up with the result that we desire, our offering of peace will be placed on the hearts of the one who has received our offering. And then we have to trust that our prayers for peace and reconciliation will be received by our loving God, who always answers our prayers and does what He knows is best.


 During this season of Lent, we are encouraged to seek reconciliation with those who are separated from us. Reconciliation requires humility and a willingness to say words that can make us uncomfortable.

“I am sorry.”

 “I forgive you.”

 Jesus promised that one day the lion and the lamb would be able to lie down together. Jesus foretold of a peace that no one can imagine.


Peace begins with reconciliation.

Let us begin today.

To read the scripture readings for Sunday, March 10th, click here.